Family Vacation and Respite in One!

Wow!  It's hard to believe that in just ONE MONTH Milena and Aleks will have been home for an entire year!  Where has the time gone?  It feels like they've only been home a few months, yet that they've always been here!

School ended for the kids at the end of June (for a 2 week period, they go back next week!)  On Friday, June 23rd we left at 4:30am to go to the annual Reece's Rainbow Reunion.  This year it was held at the Jelly Stone Campground in Mammoth Cave, KY.  Jason and I have been looking forward to this trip for several months.  Don't get me wrong, we have some AMAZING friends and family in our community, but to be able to spend an entire week with other families that have adopted children with special needs is a HUGE blessing!  These other families "get it."  They don't judge you or your children as they've likely been there and done that.  The fellowship and comradery is much needed for parents of children with special needs.  It provides a bit of respite even.

There are people out there who will say things like "you asked for it" or "you brought this on yourself" in regards to the behaviors or medical problems that accompany an adopted child with special needs.  To an extent this may be true as families prepare the best they can when they know the child they are hoping to adopt.  They research the conditions and medical needs before ultimately saying "yes" to adoption.  BUT adoption also has many surprises and I dare say that most families at one point or another feel they have bitten off more than they can chew.  (I was there when Claudia first came home and wanted little to do with me except bite me and pull my hair!)  Just because a family decides to adopt a child with special needs does not mean that they have it all together and don't need support.  In fact the opposite is likely true.  All adoptive families need the support of the friends and family.  Adoption is a beautiful thing but it is also hard.  Adoption puts added stress on families for a time.

Imagine being taken from the only home you've ever known (no matter how poor the conditions) and being placed into the arms of strangers who talked funny and smelled funny.  Now imagine they are hugging you and holding you tight when you've never been cared for in such a way.  This holding makes you feel confined and you don't like it, so you strike back, you scream, cry, hit kick, bite... and try to get away by any means possible. Now these strangers are trying to make you eat foods you've never had before so you rebel and refuse to eat.  You don't know who these people are or if they are going to hurt you.  Now you are placed in an unfamiliar bed and expected to sleep.  The sounds are different than what you are used to, perhaps it's too quiet.  There are no other children crying.  Perhaps the strangers are singing to you in their funny voices but you don't know what they are saying.  After several days of this, you start to get used to these strangers and maybe even like them!  Then the next thing you know, you are on a noisy airplane and your ears hurt.  Upon landing there are dozens of strangers with funny voices doting on you but you are exhausted and not used to being fussed over, so you break down... again.   Now you find yourself in another new place, the strangers call it "home."  It is unlike any place you have been before, yet another change in your life.  As you start to get comfortable with the strangers who call themselves "Mommy" and "Daddy" you wonder when the next change will come, will another set of strangers come and take you away?  You have not known much stability in your life, so you don't know what to expect...

You see, adoption is not a fairy tale in the eyes of the adopted child.  At least not at first.  Many children don't understand what is happening to them and can react very poorly to the process.  Often times it can take several months or longer for a newly adopted child to feel secure in their new home.  At any time something can trigger a memory from the past and set them off.  Most families go through a "honeymoon" period with their newly adopted child as the child begins to feel secure and wants to please their new family so they can stay.  After the honeymoon many children rebel and want to test the limits to see if they'll be sent away for negative behavior.  It's after this rebellion phase that children generally start to come around and integrate themselves into the family.  They begin to realize that family is forever and that no matter what, they will have this family forever.

Adoption is hard but oh so beautiful!  Other adoptive families genuinely understand this.

This is why Jason and I looked forward to our week in KY.  We got to spend a week together as a family without the interruptions of school and work, and we got to spend the week with some other amazing people and awesome kiddos.  The other great parts about the Reece's Rainbow reunion was getting to see the children that we'd followed online, to see the real life the transformations that family can have on a child, and to give and receive encouragement.

Our children had a blast!  Most of our days were spent in the pool.  Claudia has been a fish ever since our first Reece's Rainbow reunion in 2014 and loved every minute of it.  Aleks was unsure of the water at first but quickly decided it was a giant bathtub to splash in.  He did great and was even maneuvering himself about the pool.  Milena was afraid of the water at first, despite being able to touch the bottom.  After much work she too was swimming all over the pool with her life vest on.  Milena has even learned to jump into the pool (she previously was unable to jump in a forward motion at all!)

Besides swimming we met Yogi, had cookouts with other families, played at the park, made smores, jumped on a jump pillow, went to a zoo, mingled with the other adoptive families, met some truly amazing children and got away from the daily grind!

Smores are messy!

The zoo we went to was called Kentucky Down under which featured several different animals from Australia including a python, dingos, kangaroos, emu, laughing kookaburra, cava/mara and more.  They also had sheep, goats, donkeys, peacock, tropical birds, owls, working dogs a draft horse and more.  That place was something else!  While there we got to pet and feed kangaroos!  I never thought they would be as soft as they were!  I even found a kangaroo with a joey in it's pouch and felt it kick! We also got to feed the lorikeets which where beautiful birds!  Milena loves animals although she was somewhat nervous around the goats and sheep as well as the lorikeets.  Milena was fine petting the python.. go figure!  While feeding the lorikeets Milena had one land on her shoulder and head, whe was NOT impressed and got a little freaked out but she did really well and didn't even scare the bird away!

Just chillin!

This red kangaroo had a joey in her pouch!

Claudia was trying to kiss the bird!

Claudia wanted to blow the goats nose!

This was a BIG horse!

We had an amazing time at the reunion this year and look forward to being able to go again.  Everyone was sad to leave and wanted to stay.  We truly had a nice break from our day to day lives and were able to relax and enjoy time together as a family.  I hope over the years that our children will be able to build friendships through these events!

Everyone in yellow was adopted with the help and support of Reece's Rainbow!
Thank you Reece's Rainbow!

7+ months home update

Living life as a family of five has been an adventure!  So many things have happened since Aleks and Milena came home in August.  We've been busy managing doctors appointments, surgeries,  IEP meetings, other school meetings, half days, holidays and everything in between!  The kids are doing so well overall but life is not without difficulties.

Claudia has grown in so many ways since Milena and Aleks came home.  She recently had her 3 year school review and has made huge progress in the past 7 months alone.  Having siblings has helped her so much!  When Claudia came home just over 3 years ago, she tested in the 9-18 month range in most areas; she is now testing as high as 48 months in some!  Claudia continues to use ASL as her primary method of communication but I still have hope that she will one day find her voice and will be able to communicate with everyone.  Her frustration levels have decreased so much and we don't see negative behaviors nearly as often.

Claudia adores her little brother and can often be found getting his pajamas and diaper ready at bed time.  She likes cuddling with him and also wrestling around on the floor.  One of these days I think he'll be bigger than Claudia and then she'll have her work cut out for her!  She loves her brother all the time... except for when he pulls her hair!  Just a little ironic huh? 

Claudia looks up to her big sister, Milena.  She frequently wants to do whatever Milena is doing.  Claudia has learned a lot from her including how to help clean and clear the table.  Claudia is learning to be more independent all the time although she regresses occasionally when she wants attention and won't eat unless she is fed.  She does get jealous at times although it's nothing more than any other siblings. 

Did I mention how much Claudia has grown physically?  I don't know exactly how much taller and leaner she has gotten but just comparing pictures from even just a year ago is amazing!  She'll always be small but she's growing!

Milena's English is getting better all of the time.  She still struggles with who, what, when, why and how.  At this time she does not have a handle on those concepts.  She is learning sight words and doing well with phonics as well.  One day she'll love to read just like her parents.  Her self care skills have improved and she is very independent.  Milena is a super sweet girl which has led to a few boundary issues that we've mostly worked out.  She really wants to please people and can shut down at times when she thinks someone is mad at her.  Milena loves her family and loves being a big sister. Milena is a good big sister but can be bossy at times, so we're working on that.  She wants to help out, sometimes a little too much...  Milena is such a great child although we do have some struggles.  The most difficult things we are dealing with right now is her story-telling.  Milena struggles with truth/lie, reality/fantasy and wants to please people by answering their questions how she thinks they want them answered, not necessarily the truth.  This has led to some difficulties with the school and we're trying to figure out how best to handle this.  I can't believe that we're going to have a teenager in less than 6 months!!!

 

 

 

Aleks has come a long way since August.  He has finally been putting on weight, about 2lbs since coming home.  He can eat most of the foods we eat (cut up very small) instead of just pureed food.  Aleks will eat almost anything although he does not like anything to do with apples!  He LOVES his veggies though, so I can't complain.  Aleks went from drinking strictly from a bottle to using a straw and is even doing some open cup drinking!  His heart looks great and he has been weaned from his pulmonary hypertension meds!  Aleks has gotten so much stronger, he's not the wet noodle that he was when he came home!  He's been walking short distances unassisted and can walk pretty well holding one hand.  Aleks is paying more attention to his surroundings and responds to his name.  He has learned his first sign ("more") and is using it appropriately.  Aleks still struggles with playing with toys appropriately, he likes to bang things and make loud noises!  Our biggest struggles with him are the self-harm.  Lately Aleks has been punching himself in the head and face and laughing about it.  The self-harm behaviors are so hard to watch!  He's also gotten into pulling the hair of others and smacking at people (mostly me) at times.  I really think he is beginning to understand when he does something wrong but he just gets a big grin on his face and laughs about it.  We're working on these behaviors too.  This boy is such a ham though!

 

 

 

As a family we've made day trips to the local parks, the play museum and the zoo.  It's not easy to get out with all of the kids but it is so worth it! 

Jason and I are still figuring out our "new normal."  We still have some doctors appointments to tackle and we'll be glad when we're down to just routine visits.  Our house had not been clean in over 7 months and the laundry and dishes are never ending but things could be so much worse!

As you can see, it's not all sunshine and roses but we take things a day at a time and count our blessings.  Things have gone so well and could have gone a lot worse.

 

Angel Tree 2015

It's that time of year again Reece's Rainbow's Angel Tree!  Angel Tree is up and running and this year I have chosen a 12 year old girl called "Rebecca" from Asia to be my Angel Tree child.  My goal is to raise at least $1000 towards a grant fund for her.  On the right hand side of this blog you will see the link to her page.

Here is what Rebecca's file says about her (and continue reading to learn see some great T-shirts to help her grant fund grow):

PRC
Down syndrome

A family hosted her two summers ago and would love to see her find her forever family. They’d be happy to talk to inquiring families.  Comments from her host mother:

She is spunky, lively, funny. She had SUCH personality. She responded to love, to being held. She was strong-willed. Very much a “mommy”, too. But, if you had to tell her she did something she shouldn’t, she would break down and cry. So, I would hold her on my lap and she would curl up, close her eyes, and fake being asleep. She just wanted to be loved. She was funny, and LOVED to help. She loved sweeping and cleaning.

When here, we got her glasses but she didn’t like to wear them. She even hid them once. I would try to get her to wear them, but I didn’t want a “battle of wills” to develop. I let it go, and she would occasionally put them on. She had nystagmus, her eyes shook, and her head would shake a bit, too. It was very endearing to me. When she would insist on something she would stomp her foot, cross her arms, and give me a serious look. It made me smile. She can be bossy!

She LOVED swimming! The picture in the purple shirt and sunglasses is at the pool. Every day she would put her swimsuit on, waiting to go swimming, all ready to go in case we went! She blossomed so much! When she first came, she would not let me hug her, or touch her. I kept at it, she eventually curled up in my lap when upset. I would rock her to sleep.

She had the BEST laugh! I mean, with her entire heart and soul!! I. Loved. It!

Why did I choose Rebecca?  She reminds me so much of our Milena.  She is sweet, funny and mommy-like and they were both born in the summer of 2003.  Milena waited nearly 12 years for a family of her own and Rebecca is still waiting.  I am hoping that my advocating for her this Angel Tree will help get her some exposure as well as raise some funds towards her grant.  Now for a few pictures of sweet Rebecca:

How sweet is this precious girl?  I am in contact with the family that hosted her a couple of summers ago.  If you have questions, I can direct you to the family.

How can you help?  You can use Rebecca's link on the side of my page to make a direct donation to her Angel Tree fun.  If you donate $35 or more, you will receive a Christmas ornament with her beautiful picture on it!

I will also be holding several fundraisers over the next weeks to help raise her grant money.  I currently have several t-shirt fundraisers going on and will list them all below.  Each of the t-shirts is available in more colors than are pictured below and most are offered as a unisex size, women's size and sweatshirt.  Please take a look at the pictures below to see my current T-shirt fundraisers:

ORDER HERE

ORDER HERE

ORDER HERE

ORDER HERE

Sibling Love

Have I mentioned how well Claudia has done since Aleks and Milena came home?  I can honestly say that second to adopting her into our family, giving her siblings is the best thing we have done for her.  Claudia has become more caring and more fun loving since her siblings came home.  She absolutely adores her them!

If Aleks is near her, Claudia always wants him to lay on her (he'll often fall backwards onto her/she'll pull him backwards and hit his head on her abdomen or chest which she thinks is the greatest thing ever!)

Claudia loves just hanging out with her big sister!  She has learned so much from Milena, she even helps to clear the dinner table with Milena.  Frequently Claudia won't want to go to bed unless her big sister is coming too (they have bunk beds.) 

When we first started pursuing Aleks, we showed Claudia all of the pictures and videos of him that we got from our agency.  We called him her "baby brother" as he was just a year at the time we started the process.  Claudia now refers to Aleks as "baby."  When we added Milena onto the adoption we also showed Claudia her pictures and videos as well.  This was the best way we could think of to prepare for their arrival.  It took about 21 months from start to finish, so in reality we were preparing her for almost 2 years.  I think our preparations payed off.

Seeing my children all together is priceless.  Sure they have their spats but really they get along better than we ever hoped.  We were expecting the much more jealousy than we saw.  There has not been much from any of the kids, just occasionally when we're doing something with one or two of the children that the third is unable for whatever reason to participate in.  I think one of the hardest parts of having the 3 children that we do have is that it's difficult to find activities that they can all do together.

Many people fear adoption, think that it could ruin their lives, too many "what if's..."  I will tell you that Jason and I also had those same reservations about the adoption of each of our children.  We chose to listen to what we felt God was calling us to do.  There are many unknowns but so many blessings that can come from any adoption.  There are people, even social workers and adoption agencies that will tell you not to adopt children out of birth order or not to adopt multiple children at once if they are not biologically related. We did both, Claudia went from our only child to a middle child and she is thriving.  Milena and Aleks are not biologically related but they are as close as if they were biological siblings.  Milena is so sweet with Aleks (as is Claudia.)  I'm not saying that these situations are best for everyone or that they always work out this well; but we have been blessed. If you are feeling led to adoption, no matter how afraid you are, take the first steps to look into it and learn the truth.  

A Family of Five Together at Last!

The ride home from the airport had us just a bit worried although admittedly everyone was tired and not feeling their best.  Claudia did quite well at the airport but became jealous when her new siblings were in the van.  She put up a bit of a fuss but settled down after a while.  I don't think anyone actually fell asleep in the van.

When we got home, the dog and cats that Milena had been excitedly talking about for 3 weeks terrified her to the point that she was shaking, jumped on the couch and tried climbing the curtains!  I had just a small inkling that it might happened but was upset when it did.  I wish I knew more about her past experiences.  I'm happy to say that now Milena loves all of the animals and has great relationships with them.  That was not the case at first!

The first night everyone slept quite well in their own beds.  The next day was spent getting to know each other as a family unit.  Claudia did surprisingly well as did the other children.  Milena was shy with Jason but the day went well.  That night I don't recall difficulty getting the children to bed but in the middle of the night Claudia climbed into Milena's bed with her and slept till morning.  Claudia seemed to really like having a big sister!  Jason and I woke early the next morning and were downstairs where we heard it... the crying!  We both ran upstairs to see what the matter was Milena and Claudia were both in the top bunk crying.  We asked Milena what happened but she shut down and would not respond.  Claudia was crying because Milena was crying.  They settled down quickly and we got them ready for the day.

That morning I had to get out and into a "real" store.  We really did need a few things and I was quite sure Milena would do OK if I took her with me.  I didn't want to leave Jason with all three kids by himself quite yet.  So he stayed home with the littles and I took Milena to Wal-Mart GASP!  She did very well except she wanted to touch everything!  As we were about half way through our shopping trip, Milena started talking to me in her broken English.  It took me a little while to understand what she was trying to say but she was telling me the story of what happened that morning in bed.  Milena said (I'm paraphrasing)

"Claudia came up into my bed, I told her to get down but she didn't listen (that happened earlier in the night.) Then (in the morning) Grace (the cat) jumped on the bed and Milena cry, Milena cry, Milena cry (remember she was terrified of the animals.)  Then Claudia cried and pushed the cat from the bed.  Mama and Papa came up and asked 'What happened, what, happend!"

Milena then proceeded to tell me this story about a dozen more times before we left the store.  BUT how awesome is it that she was able (and confident enough) to tell me that story!?!

At the checkout on our Wal-Mart adventure a middle-aged man with Down syndrome came behind us in line.  Milena took one look at him and pointed between herself and the man indicating she understood that they were "the same."  It was a sweet moment!

The early days of being home were mostly spent at home with several trips made to the local park so we didn't go too stir crazy. We spent a lot of time learning how to be a family.  Claudia took to her new brother and sister very quickly although she did get jealous when Jason would hold Aleks.  She always told Jason to "give the baby to mom."  Below are some pictures and a video from our park adventures.