Pouring out my broken heart

Our adoption journey really started over a year ago when I first stumbled across Reeces Rainbow.  If you have followed our blog from the beginning, you will know that I have known for a very long time that I wanted adopt; in fact, I had looked into agencies a few times before.  When I came across Reeces Rainbow, my heart broke.  Many tears were cried for the hundreds of children wasting away in orphanages and mental institution just because they were not "perfect" by human standards.  You see, it was not that long ago here in the US when children were placed into institutions because of their special needs, thankfully more and more people are coming to see that they are worth something and that they can contribute to society.  Unfortunately in many other countries, these children are not given a chance to thrive, they are not picked up and held on a daily basis and are lucky to have their diapers changed more than once a day.  There are several other, much better adoption blogs out there that describe the horrors that children with special needs face in other countries.  I am trying doing my small part by getting the word out, by advocating for these children.

Yes, our blog has been mostly about our adoption of Claudia BUT that is not the bigger picture, our story does not end when she comes home.  We may have stepped out in faith for this one child but we will not stop there.  Does this mean that we will adopt more in the future?  Perhaps (I hope so) but that is not enough.  Our eyes have been opened to the horrors.  We want to shout it out to all that will listen that these children deserve a chance at being children!

Not everyone is called to adopt, not everyone is eligible to adopt but everyone can make a difference.  You can advocate for these children, you can pray for them and you can donate money to the families that are adopting them. 

Some people think that "if you cannot afford to adopt, then you should not do it.  How can you take care of the child?"  To this I ask... could you afford all of your medical bills when you had a child?  No, probably not, your insurance probably payed for it.  Just because families do not have $30,0000  cash to adopt does not mean that they are not financially stable enough to care for a child.  Some people think that fundraising for an adoption is wrong.  I disagree.  How many more families would welcome a child into their home if adoption were not so expensive?  Others ask "Why don't you just adopt from within the US? or "Through foster care, it is free that way."  To this I say, praise God that there are people who feel this way, YES these children need homes too.  Every child deserves a loving home BUT this is not our calling.  God has broken our hearts specifically for international children with special needs.

So I just want to reiterate that our story does not stop when Claudia gets home.  Our hearts will not be satisfied while there are still millions of orphans without loving homes.  We do not know where God will lead us next on our journey but we look forward to it.  We know that our calling is not easy but we will continue to follow our calling, one day at a time.

Baby Steps

We got the news yesterday that the region where Claudia is has officially assigned her to us!  We are so happy that they want Jason and I to be Claudia's parents.  That is great news but now we have to wait for her documents to be sent to the capitol of her country, translated and sent to us to approve and send back.  Our agency thinks that we could have the documents in early October which does not look good as far as being able to travel in November.  I know that anything is still possible and we are still praying for it to happen.  Perhaps the US will be lightning fast on approving our 1800 once we submit it.  Please keep praying for an early November travel date.

Bethel Live Worship - I've Found a Love (Sung by Jenn Johnson)

I thought since I was sharing about the blog on Facebook that I should actually contribute as well.  Inspired by listening to Bethel Live Worship on Spotify. Video below, if you're not familiar with the song.

Because I’ve found a love greater than life itself.  What does that mean?  It means that I’ve found a love so strong, so powerful that I will give up my life for it.  Not “give up my life” as in die; I often think of how easy it would be to do exactly that.  Die.  To not have to struggle and stumble and fail constantly anymore.  To not constantly disappoint everyone in my life because of all the things that are in me that are stronger than I am.  Don’t doubt it - If you knew me, knew the truth of who I am, instead of the front that I put up, you would be disappointed.

When I say “give up my life” I mean it in the sense that I will willingly give up everything that I have wanted in my life for this love.  That I will do my best to forget about the big house, the fast car and the lavish vacations.  That instead of everything that I want in my life, I will make the choices that this love dictates.  I will give up material things to bring a little girl who was abandoned by her mother to be with her Real Mother.  That I will give up the stuff that I want, to hopefully give those choices to children in need.

As I re-read what I’ve just written, inspired by listening to the Bethel Worship song “I’ve Found a Love” on Spotify, I’m struck by the insanity and arrogance of the words.  Even a couple of years ago, when I was starting to get involved at my Church and considering myself something of a “Christian”, I would have thought it was crazy to adopt a “retarded” kid.  Why would anyone want to bring that kind of misery and suffering into their life?  Why would you want a child that would never be able to do anything? 

As I get older and less stupid (I’ll never be wise, trust me) I’ve come to understand that what a person is actually capable of means very little.  The more important thing is how much a person strives to reach that potential.  The greatest hope that I have for my child(ren) is that they will work hard to be the best that they can be, no matter what.  I am more impressed and inspired by someone who strives to overcome adversity than by someone who was Blessed with a huge talent, and fails to take full advantage of it.  I think I’m beginning to understand how a parent can be as proud of a child who has learned to tie their own shoes after years of effort, as one that goes on to law school or professional sports.  And EVERY child, regardless of health, circumstance or race – EVERY child deserves to be loved, and to have a chance at life.

The arrogance is something I have, and always will, struggle with.  Without bothering to look up the references, I can think of a couple of different authors and speakers who have made the case for Pride being the most dangerous of faults.  I know that it is a huge issue in my life.  My pride is what causes me to stumble the most, and also what makes me want to take credit when I actually manage to not completely suck as a human being.  Lately I’ve been looking around and judging people for not doing more than they are, because I feel secure and superior in what I’m doing.  What I forget is that Angie and I are part of a community that could very easily look down on us because we’re only adopting one little girl, instead of 5, and that she is comparatively very healthy.  I don’t know if I could ever be strong enough or faithful enough to do what some of the families on Reese’s Rainbow do, and it is humbling to remember that.  All of this besides the fact that I haven’t really done anything.  Angie has done most of the hard work, and our friends and family have done as much financially as we have.  Even the arrogance that it took to write that first paragraph – every sentence starts with “I” and is all about “me”…it makes me want to go back and delete it.  I leave it in hopes that it helps prove a point.  Listening to a song that thousands of people know by heart, and I think that what comes into my head makes me somehow special, meaningful or unique. 

I’m not any of those things, and I can’t accomplish anything on my own.  I’m just another person trying to put my selfish nature far enough aside for God to be able to do something with the life He has given me.  Despite this, He still loves me.  Still wants me to be near to Him.  Wants me to find my joy in Him, and in the purpose that He has given me.  Maybe the reason we struggle with the concept of God so much as a whole is because that kind of love is completely outside of what comes naturally to us.  Or maybe I just struggle because I think I know better than Him.

Our Church is doing a series that poses the question “What Breaks Your Heart?” and it is reminding me that this was not a logical choice that Angie and I made.  We didn’t sit around and talk about how we could have an impact on the World.  Angie stumbled upon Reese’s Rainbow by accident while looking for adoption agencies.  What she saw broke her heart.  She started trying to get me to pay attention to it, which I wanted absolutely nothing to do with, of course.  But I could only take looking at so many of the pictures before it got to me.  I didn’t think I had a heart to break.  Apparently I was wrong. 

The decision to act was not an easy one because the logic kept winning out, which sounds better than “It took me a while to get over my selfishness and build up the courage to actually believe in God.” The deciding factor for me was that I had seen things that I couldn’t un-see, learned things I couldn’t forget, and those things made it too painful to continue doing nothing to help.  It wasn’t so much a choice of deciding to act as it was to pull my head out of the sand and see the world around me.  How you act will just be seeing what hurts you the most out of all the ugliness that’s out there.

-Jason

Hope

Sometimes you just need to live on hope.  We have not heard anything substantial yet about our official referral but we were told by our adoption agency that Claudia's State/Region (in her country) is cooperating.  To me this means that they are getting the referral paperwork ready, then it will be translated, sent to our agency and finally sent to us to return to her country asap!  Once we get the paperwork we can submit our USCIS 1-800 paperwork.  Our agency said we should start filling that out now.  So we have HOPE that things will continue to run smoothly, with Godspeed!

So when will we travel?

This is the big question!  There are a few things that need to happen first as I described in the last post.  I emailed our agency to see if it was possible that we could get Claudia this year still.  After days and days of waiting (why do Holiday weekends have to come at inconvenient times?)  We got our response today.

Our agency said that IF we are sent her referral this month, we MAY be able to get our USCIS pre-approval in Oct and MAY be able to travel in early November IF everything runs smoothly.  That is a lot of If's and May's but our God is bigger than such weak words. 

Our God is STRONG! 

We can do this, if it is God's will, we WILL get her this year.  Can you imagine?  Claudia could be home for Christmas!  What a blessing that would be!  Please continue to pray with us that this will happen.  We have a lot to get done between now and then and a lot of money to raise but I know that we can get this done.

I wanted to give a shout out to Sarah Huber!  Hi Sarah!  Sarah is a young lady with a HUGE heart and is an avid follower of our journey.  The young miss Sarah even sacrificed some of her own money to bid (and win) in our auction for Claudia.  Thank you so much for your support and you God given compassionate heart.